The Moving Blues



Caroline didn't want to move. It had been hard enough to make the
transition from junior high to high school, especially when many of her
friends went to different schools. Now she liked her friends, she liked
her school, and she liked her routine. She didn't want to leave the big
city for a small town and felt angry with her parents and out of step
with everyone else.

It isn't easy for anyone to pack up and leave everything that is
familiar and try to fit into a new environment. But it's especially hard
during a time in your life when there are already so many physical and
emotional changes taking place.

Why Do I Feel Upset About Moving?



Experts consider moving to be one of the major stresses in life.
Leaving behind friends, familiar places, and activities creates anxiety
for everyone involved — parents included. And it's hard work to pack and
prepare for a move and then settle into a new home.

The reasons behind a move can sometimes be upsetting, and that can
add to the stress. A parent may be forced to take a job in a new town
because of company layoffs or staff reorganizations. Sometimes a death
or divorce in the family can lead to a move, or your family may have to
move to take care of a sick family member, such as a grandparent.

During the busy, stressful time of planning, preparing, and packing
for a move, your mom and dad may be too preoccupied to realize how the
change is affecting you. They may not even realize you are unhappy if
you don't discuss it with them. Be open with your parents and try to
talk reasonably about the move and how it is affecting you. Your parents
or siblings may have the same concerns or fears.

A move can lead some people to become depressed.
If you find that you can't shake feelings of sadness or anxiety, talk
to an adult. Don't worry that your parents are too focused on organizing
their own lives and don't worry that you'll be bothering them. Most
parents appreciate knowing how you feel. Or you can talk to your brother
or sister or a school counselor. Not dealing with feelings now may lead
to problems later.

It can help to remember that the problems involved in moving are
always temporary. People usually feel better once they've had time to
settle in.
What to Expect



Even when the reasons for a move are good (such as a promotion or
better job for a parent) and you're excited about it, it's still a good
idea to be prepared for unexpected changes. It's easy to get caught up
in the excitement and expect everything to be perfect.

Ali remembers her move to Germany. Like many military families, she'd
moved many times before so it seemed like no big deal. In fact, Ali was
so excited at the prospect of living abroad that she didn't think about
the challenges involved in living in a place where she didn't speak the
language. She was also surprised by some of the cultural differences —
things she hadn't anticipated because she'd assumed that Germany would
be pretty much like the United States. Today she says she makes a list
of positives and negatives before she moves to help keep her
expectations realistic.

One unexpected difference may be school. It's easy to assume that one
school is pretty much like another, but your new school may not use the
same textbooks or procedures. Some of your classes may be different, or
the teacher may have already covered topics you haven't learned about
yet. It can be particularly hard if you're moving in the middle of a
school year, but your teachers will understand and work with you to be
sure you feel comfortable.

It's common for people who move to feel like they're starting all
over again. You have to learn new streets, new faces, and new ways of
doing things. People may dress or speak differently. The slang and
accents may sound different in your new community, depending on how far
you move. It's natural for people to feel out of place in a new
situation where they don't know the customs and rules.Making the Best of It



Although there is no way to eliminate the anxiety of moving, there
are many ways to make the move easier. Before you even begin packing,
you can start to get to know your new home. The Internet and library may
contain lots of good information about your new community. Make a list
of your interests and hobbies, and then find the locations and phone
numbers of places where those activities take place. When you're
visiting your new school, find out if there are deadlines for activities
you're interested in and see if you can still join.

A new place seems more familiar, and it's easier to make friends,
when you can participate in a common interest with people who do the
things you enjoy.

Look for opportunities to try new activities as well. If you have a
job, ask your current boss to write a reference letter for you. If you
work for a food chain or a chain of stores, you might be able to arrange
a transfer and have a job waiting for you.

See if you can get a city map and highlight where you will be living,
where your new school is, and the location of places of worship, movie
theaters, skate parks, and other places you like to go. Ask if your
realtor can videotape your new house if you haven't been able to see it
yet (most realtors post indoor and outdoor pictures of properties
online).

It can help to learn about what makes your new city or town unique.
Share the information with your friends and make them feel part of your
moving experience. Soon you will feel like you already know your new
community.Packing It Up



You can pick up a copy of the United States Postal Service Mover's Guide
in any post office or online; it will give you and your parents some
tips. The guide includes change of address forms, a checklist of things
to do, and suggestions for a survival kit that will contain items you
may need to have at hand and might otherwise be packed out of reach
during the move.

You can help — and feel more in control — by making a list of things
that need to be done before the move. Offer to help your parents with
some of their items. The more you participate and keep busy, the more it
will feel like your own experience rather than something that is being
done to you. For example, organize a yard sale to sell the stuff you
don't want to take with you. You may find that friends and neighbors are
interested in participating in a yard sale, too.

As soon as you know you are moving, start preparing by:

• sorting out clothes and giving away items that you aren't going to take
  
• packing away items you are going to take, but won't need until after you've moved
  
• spreading out the chores you have to do so you won't be overwhelmed during the last few days
  
• cleaning up your room or any other areas you are responsible for to make packing easier
  
• labeling your boxes so you can easily identify where things are when you get to your new home
  
• Keeping in Touch
  
  
  
  One of the fears of moving is losing old friends. Remember your
  friends when you get to your new destination by putting pictures up
  around your new room. Print out copies of pictures for your friends to
  keep, too.
  
  Saying goodbye is never easy, but it doesn't mean it's forever.
  Luckily, today it's easier than ever to stay in touch with social
  networking sites and IM. Share pictures and videos. Let your friends
  know about the differences, both good and bad, between your old home and
  your new place. You might be able to plan summer visits to see old
  friends or for a friend to visit you.
  
  Moving is hard, but you may discover that it has taught you some
  valuable skills: how to make new friends, be flexible, and find your way
  around strange places. Although learning these lessons can feel tough
  at the time, once you've settled in, you may find you like the new place
  better. And be sure to say "hi" to the next new kid in town — you can
  relate.