Why Do I Fight With My Parents So Much?



The clothes you wear. The food you eat. The color of your bedroom
walls. Where you go and how you get there. The people you hang with.
What time you go to bed.

What do these things have in common, you're asking? They're just a
few examples of the many hundreds of things that your parents controlled
for you when you were a child. As a kid, you didn't have a say in very
much that went on; your parents made decisions about everything from the
cereal you ate in the morning to the pajamas you wore at night. And
it's a good thing, too — kids need this kind of protection and
assistance because they aren't mature enough to take care of themselves
and make careful decisions on their own.

But eventually, kids grow up and become teens. And part of being a
teen is developing your own identity — one that is separate from your
parents'. It's totally normal for teens to create their own opinions, thoughts, and values about life; it's what prepares them for adulthood.

But as you change and grow into this new person who makes his or her
own decisions, your parents may have a difficult time adjusting. They
aren't used to the new you yet — they only know you as the kid who had
everything decided for you and didn't mind.

In most families, it's this adjustment that can cause a lot of
fighting between teens and parents. You want to cover your walls with
posters; they don't understand why you don't like your kiddie wallpaper
anymore. You think it's OK to hang at the mall every day after school;
they would rather that you play a sport.

Clashes like these are very common between teens and parents — teens
get angry because they feel parents don't respect them and aren't giving
them space to do what they like, and parents get angry because they
aren't used to not being in control or they disagree with the teens'
decisions.

It's easy for feelings to get very hurt when there are conflicts like
these. And more complicated issues — like the types of friends you have
or your attitudes about sex and partying — can cause even bigger
arguments, because your parents will always be intent on protecting you
and keeping you safe, no matter how old you are.The Upside



The good news about fighting with your parents is that in many
families the arguing will lessen as parents get more comfortable with
the idea that their teen has a right to certain opinions and an identity
that may be different from theirs.

It can take several years for parents and teens to adjust to their new roles, though. In the meantime, concentrate on comunicating with your parents as best you can.

Sometimes this can feel impossible — like they just don't see your
point of view and never will. But talking and expressing your opinions can
help you gain more respect from your parents, and you may be able to
reach compromises that make everyone happy. For example, if you are
willing to clean your room in order to stay out an hour later, both you
and your parents walk away with a good deal.

Keep in mind, too, that your parents were teens once and that, in most cases, they can relate to what you're going through