Virginity: A Very Personal Decision

Sometimes it might seem like everyone in school is talking about
who's a virgin, who isn't, and who might be. For both girls and guys,
the pressure sometimes can be intense.

But deciding whether it's right for you to have sex is one of the
most important decisions you'll ever have to make. Each person must use
his or her own judgment and decide if it's the right time — and the right person.

This means considering some very important factors — both physical ones, like the possibility of becoming pregnant or getting a sexual transmitted diseaes — and emotional factors, too. Though a person's body may feel ready for sex, sex also has very serious emotional consequences.

For many teens, moral factors are very important as well. Family
attitudes, personal values, or religious beliefs provide them with an
inner voice that guides them in resisting pressures to get sexually
involved before the time is right.

Peer Pressure Problems and Movie Madness



Nobody wants to feel left out of things — it's natural to want to be
liked and feel as if you're part of a group of friends. Unfortunately,
some teens feel that they have to lose their virginity to keep up with
their friends or to be accepted.

It doesn't sound like it's all that complicated; maybe most of your
friends have already had sex with their boyfriends or girlfriends and
act like it isn't a big deal. But sex isn't something that's only
physical; it's emotional, too. And because everyone's emotions are
different, it's hard to rely on your friends' opinions to decide if it's
the right time for you to have sex.

What matters to you is the most important thing, and your
values may not match those of your friends. That's OK — it's what makes
people unique. Having sex to impress someone or to make your friends
happy or feel like you have something in common with them won't make you
feel very good about yourself in the long run. True friends don't
really care whether a person is a virgin — they will respect your
decisions, no matter what.

Even if your friends are cool with your decision, it's easy to be
misled by TV shows and movies into thinking that every teen in America
is having sex. Writers and producers may make a show or movie plot
exciting by showing teens being sexually active, but these teens are
actors, not real people with real concerns. They don't have to worry
about being ready for sex, how they will feel later on, or what might
happen as a result. In other words, these TV and movie plots are
stories, not real life. In real life, every teen can, and should, make
his or her own decision.Boyfriend Blues or Girlfriend Gripes



Although some teens who are going out don't pressure each other about
sex, the truth is that in many relationships, one person wants to have
sex although the other one doesn't.

Again, what matters most differs from person to person. Maybe one
person in a relationship is more curious and has stronger sexual
feelings than the other. Or another person has religious reasons why he
or she doesn't want to have sex and the other person doesn't share those
beliefs.

Whatever the situation, it can place stress and strain on a
relationship — you want to keep your boyfriend or girlfriend happy, but
you don't want to compromise what you think is right.

As with almost every other major decision in life, you need to do what is right for you
and not anyone else. If you think sex is a good idea because a
boyfriend or girlfriend wants to begin a sexual relationship, think
again.

Anyone who tries to pressure you into having sex by saying, "if you
truly cared, you wouldn't say no," or "if you loved me, you'd show it by
having sex" isn't really looking out for you and what matters most to
you. They're looking to satisfy their own feelings and urges about sex.

If someone says that not having sex after doing other kinds of
fooling around will cause him or her physical pain, that's also a sign
that that person is thinking only of himself or herself. If you feel
that you should have sex because you're afraid of losing that person, it
may be a good time to end the relationship.

Sex should be an expression of love — not something a person feels
that he or she must do. If a boyfriend or girlfriend truly loves you, he
or she won't push or pressure you to do something you don't believe in
or aren't ready for yet.Feeling Curious



You might have a lot of new sexual feelings or thoughts. These
feelings and thoughts are totally normal — it means that all of your hormones
are working properly. But sometimes your curiosity or sexual feelings
can make you feel like it's the right time to have sex, even though it
may not be.

Though your body may have the ability to have sex and you may really
want to satisfy your curiosity, it doesn't mean your mind is ready.
Although some teens understand how sex can affect them emotionally, many
don't — and this can lead to confusion and deeply hurt feelings later.

But at the same time, don't beat yourself up or be too hard on
yourself if you do have sex and then wish you hadn't. Having sexual
feelings is normal and handling them can sometimes seem difficult, even
if you planned otherwise.

Just because you had sex once doesn't mean you have to continue or
say yes later on, no matter what anyone tells you. Making mistakes is
not only human, it's a major part of being a teen — and you can learn
from mistakes.Why Some Teens Wait



Some teens are waiting longer to have sex — they are thinking more
carefully about what it means to lose their virginity and begin a sexual
relationship.

For these teens, there are many reasons for
abstinence (not having sex). Some don't want to worry about unplanned pregnancy
and all its consequences. Others see abstinence as a way to protect
themselves completely from STDs. Some STDs (like AIDS) can literally make sex a life-or-death situation, and many teens take this very seriously.

Some teens don't have sex because their religion prohibits it or
because they simply have a very strong belief system of their own. Other
teens may recognize that they aren't ready emotionally and they want to
wait until they're absolutely sure they can handle it.

When it comes to sex, there are two very important things to
remember: 1) that you are ultimately the person in charge of your own
happiness and your own body; and 2) you have a lot of time to wait until
you're totally sure about it.

If you decide to put off having sex, it's OK — no matter what anyone says. Being a virgin is one of the things that proves you are in charge, and it shows that you are powerful enough to make your own decisions about your mind and body.

If you find yourself feeling confused about decisions related to sex,
you may be able to talk to an adult (like a parent, doctor, older
sibling, aunt, or uncle) for advice. Keep in mind, though, that
everyone's opinion about sex is different. Even though another person
may have useful advice to share, in the end, the decision is up to you.