Why Do People Drink Too Much?

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Anthony
is in bed when he hears the front door slam. He covers his head with
his pillow so he doesn't have to listen to the sound of his parents
arguing. Anthony knows that his mother has been drinking again. He
starts worrying about getting to school on time and realizes he will
probably have to help get his younger sister ready too.

Why Do People Drink Too Much?



Lots of people live with a parent or caregiver who is an alcoholicalcoholic or who drinks too much. Alcoholism has been around for centuries, yet no one has discovered an easy way to prevent it.

Alcohol
can affect people's health and also how they act. People who are drunk
might be more aggressive or have mood swings. They may act in a way that
is embarrassing to them or other people.

Alcoholism is a disease. Like any disease, it needs to be treated. Without professional help, a person with alcoholism will probably continue to drink and may even become worse over time.

Diseases like alcoholism are no one's fault. Some people are more
susceptible to wanting to drink too much. Scientists think it has to do
with genetics, as well as things like family history, and life events.



Sometimes what starts as a bad habit can become a very big problem.
For example, people may drink to cope with problems like boredom,
stress, or money troubles. Maybe there's an illness in the family, or
parents are having marriage problems.

No matter what anyone says, people don't drink because of someone
else's behavior. So if you live with someone who has a drinking problem,
don't blame yourself.Continue


How Does Alcoholism Affect Families?



If you live with a parent who drinks, you may feel embarrassed,
angry, sad, hurt, or any number of emotions. You may feel helpless: When
parents promise to stop drinking, for example, it can end in
frustration when they don't keep their promises.

Problem drinking can change how families function. A parent may have
trouble keeping a job and problems paying the bills. Older kids may have
to take care of younger siblings.

Some parents with alcohol problems might mistreat or abuse their
children emotionally or physically. Others may neglect their kids by not
providing sufficient care and guidance. Parents with alcohol problems
might also use other drugs.

Despite what happens, most children of alcoholics love their parents
and worry about something bad happening to them. Kids who live with
problem drinkers often try all kinds of ways to prevent them from
drinking. But, just as family members don't cause the addiction, they
can't stop it either.

The person with the drinking problem has to take charge. Someone who
has a bad habit or an addiction to alcohol needs to get help from a
treatment center.

Alcoholism affects family members just as much as it affects the
person drinking. Because of this, there are lots of support groups to
help children of alcoholics cope with the problem.

What If a Parent Doesn't See a Problem?



Drinking too much can be a problem that nobody likes to talk about.
In fact, lots of parents may become enraged at the slightest suggestion
that they are drinking too much.

Sometimes, parents deny that they have a problem. A person in denial
refuses to believe the truth about a situation. So problem drinkers may
try to blame someone else because it is easier than taking
responsibility for their own drinking.

Some parents make their families feel bad by saying stuff like,
"You're driving me crazy!" or "I can't take this anymore." That can be
harmful, especially to kids: Most young children don't know that the
problem has nothing to do with their actions and that it's all in the
drinker's mind.

Some parents do acknowledge their drinking, but deny that it's a
problem. They may say stuff like, "I can stop anytime I want to,"
"Everyone drinks to unwind sometimes," or "My drinking is not a
problem."

Lots of people fall into the trap of thinking that a parent's
drinking is only temporary. They tell themselves that, when a particular
problem is over, like having a rough time at work, the drinking will
stop. But even if a parent who drinks too much has other problems,
drinking is a separate problem. And that problem won't go away unless
the drinker gets help.Why Do I Feel So Bad?



If you're like most teens, your life is probably filled with
emotional ups and downs, regardless of what's happening at home. Add a
parent with a drinking problem to the mix, and it can all seem like too
much.

There are many reasons why a parent's drinking can contribute to
feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, embarrassment,
worry, loneliness, and helplessness. For example:

• You might be subjected to a parent's changing moods.
  People who drink can behave unpredictably. Kids who grow up around them
  may spend a lot of energy trying to figure out a parent's mood or guess
  what that parent wants. One day you might walk on eggshells to avoid an
  outburst because the dishes aren't done or the lawn isn't mowed. The
  next day, you may find yourself comforting a parent who promises that
  things will be better.
  
• It may be hard to do things with friends or other people.
  For some people, it feels like too much trouble to have a friend over
  or do the things that everyone else does. You just never know how your
  parent will act. Will your mom or dad show up drunk for school events or
  drive you (and your friends) home drunk?
  
• You might be stressed or worried. It can be scary
  to listen to adults in the house yell, fight, or break things by
  accident. Worrying about a parent just adds to all the other emotions
  you may be feeling. Are you lying awake waiting for mom or dad to get
  home safely? Do you feel it's not fair that you have to be the grown up
  and take care of things around the house? These are all normal
  reactions.
  

Although each family is different, people who grow up with alcoholic
parents often feel alone, unloved, depressed, or burdened by the secret
life they lead at home.

You know it's not possible to cause or stop the behavior of an
alcoholic. So what can you do to feel better (or help a friend feel
better)?

Anthony
is in bed when he hears the front door slam. He covers his head with
his pillow so he doesn't have to listen to the sound of his parents
arguing. Anthony knows that his mother has been drinking again. He
starts worrying about getting to school on time and realizes he will
probably have to help get his younger sister ready too.

Why Do People Drink Too Much?



Lots of people live with a parent or caregiver who is an alcoholicalcoholic or who drinks too much. Alcoholism has been around for centuries, yet no one has discovered an easy way to prevent it.

Alcohol
can affect people's health and also how they act. People who are drunk
might be more aggressive or have mood swings. They may act in a way that
is embarrassing to them or other people.

Alcoholism is a disease. Like any disease, it needs to be treated. Without professional help, a person with alcoholism will probably continue to drink and may even become worse over time.

Diseases like alcoholism are no one's fault. Some people are more
susceptible to wanting to drink too much. Scientists think it has to do
with genetics, as well as things like family history, and life events.



Sometimes what starts as a bad habit can become a very big problem.
For example, people may drink to cope with problems like boredom,
stress, or money troubles. Maybe there's an illness in the family, or
parents are having marriage problems.

No matter what anyone says, people don't drink because of someone
else's behavior. So if you live with someone who has a drinking problem,
don't blame yourself.
Continue



Listen
How Does Alcoholism Affect Families?



If you live with a parent who drinks, you may feel embarrassed,
angry, sad, hurt, or any number of emotions. You may feel helpless: When
parents promise to stop drinking, for example, it can end in
frustration when they don't keep their promises.

Problem drinking can change how families function. A parent may have
trouble keeping a job and problems paying the bills. Older kids may have
to take care of younger siblings.

Some parents with alcohol problems might mistreat or abuse their
children emotionally or physically. Others may neglect their kids by not
providing sufficient care and guidance. Parents with alcohol problems
might also use other drugs.

Despite what happens, most children of alcoholics love their parents
and worry about something bad happening to them. Kids who live with
problem drinkers often try all kinds of ways to prevent them from
drinking. But, just as family members don't cause the addiction, they
can't stop it either.

The person with the drinking problem has to take charge. Someone who
has a bad habit or an addiction to alcohol needs to get help from a
treatment center.

Alcoholism affects family members just as much as it affects the
person drinking. Because of this, there are lots of support groups to
help children of alcoholics cope with the problem.

What If a Parent Doesn't See a Problem?



Drinking too much can be a problem that nobody likes to talk about.
In fact, lots of parents may become enraged at the slightest suggestion
that they are drinking too much.

Sometimes, parents deny that they have a problem. A person in denial
refuses to believe the truth about a situation. So problem drinkers may
try to blame someone else because it is easier than taking
responsibility for their own drinking.

Some parents make their families feel bad by saying stuff like,
"You're driving me crazy!" or "I can't take this anymore." That can be
harmful, especially to kids: Most young children don't know that the
problem has nothing to do with their actions and that it's all in the
drinker's mind.

Some parents do acknowledge their drinking, but deny that it's a
problem. They may say stuff like, "I can stop anytime I want to,"
"Everyone drinks to unwind sometimes," or "My drinking is not a
problem."

Lots of people fall into the trap of thinking that a parent's
drinking is only temporary. They tell themselves that, when a particular
problem is over, like having a rough time at work, the drinking will
stop. But even if a parent who drinks too much has other problems,
drinking is a separate problem. And that problem won't go away unless
the drinker gets help.
BackContinue



Listen
Why Do I Feel So Bad?



If you're like most teens, your life is probably filled with
emotional ups and downs, regardless of what's happening at home. Add a
parent with a drinking problem to the mix, and it can all seem like too
much.

There are many reasons why a parent's drinking can contribute to
feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, embarrassment,
worry, loneliness, and helplessness. For example:

• You might be subjected to a parent's changing moods.
  People who drink can behave unpredictably. Kids who grow up around them
  may spend a lot of energy trying to figure out a parent's mood or guess
  what that parent wants. One day you might walk on eggshells to avoid an
  outburst because the dishes aren't done or the lawn isn't mowed. The
  next day, you may find yourself comforting a parent who promises that
  things will be better.
  
• It may be hard to do things with friends or other people.
  For some people, it feels like too much trouble to have a friend over
  or do the things that everyone else does. You just never know how your
  parent will act. Will your mom or dad show up drunk for school events or
  drive you (and your friends) home drunk?
  
• You might be stressed or worried. It can be scary
  to listen to adults in the house yell, fight, or break things by
  accident. Worrying about a parent just adds to all the other emotions
  you may be feeling. Are you lying awake waiting for mom or dad to get
  home safely? Do you feel it's not fair that you have to be the grown up
  and take care of things around the house? These are all normal
  reactions.
  

Although each family is different, people who grow up with alcoholic
parents often feel alone, unloved, depressed, or burdened by the secret
life they lead at home.

You know it's not possible to cause or stop the behavior of an
alcoholic. So what can you do to feel better (or help a friend feel
better)?
BackContinue



Listen
What Can I Do?





Acknowledge the problem. Many kids of parents who
drink too much try to protect their parents or hide the problem.
Admitting that your parent has a problem — even if he or she won't — is
the first step in taking control. Start by talking to a friend, teacher,
counselor, or coach. If you can't face telling someone you know, call
an organization like Al-Anon/Alateen (they have a 24-hour hotline at
1-800-344-2666) or go online for help.

Be informed. Being aware of how your parent's
drinking affects you can help put things in perspective. For example,
some teens who live with alcoholic adults become afraid to speak out or
show any normal anger or emotion because they worry it may trigger a
parent's drinking. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for your
parent drinking too much, and that you cannot cause it or stop it.

Be aware of your emotions. When you feel things like
anger or resentment, try to identify those feelings. Talk to a close
friend or write down how you are feeling. Recognizing how a parent's
problem drinking makes you feel can help you from burying your feelings
and pretending that everything's OK.

Learn healthy coping strategies. When we grow up
around people who turn to alcohol or other unhealthy ways of dealing
with problems, they become our example. Watching new role models can
help people learn healthy coping mechanisms and ways of making good
decisions.

Coaches, aunts, uncles, parents of friends, or teachers all have to
deal with things like frustration or disappointment. Watch how they do
it. School counselors can be a great resource here. Next time you have a
problem, ask someone you trust for help.

Find support. It's good to share your feelings with a
friend, but it's equally important to talk to an adult you trust. A
school counselor, favorite teacher, or coach may be able to help. Some
teens turn to their school D.A.R.E. (Drug and Alcohol Resistance
Education) officer. Others prefer to talk to a family member or parents
of a close friend.

Because alcoholism is such a widespread problem, several
organizations offer confidential support groups and meetings for people
living with alcoholics. Alateen is a group specifically geared to young
people living with adults who have drinking problems. Alateen can also
help teens whose parents may already be in treatment or recovery. The
group Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) also offers resources for people living
with alcoholics.

Find a safe environment. Do you find yourself
avoiding your house as much as possible? Are you thinking about running
away? If you feel that the situation at home is becoming dangerous, you
can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE. And
don't hesitate to dial 911 if you think you or another family member is
in immediate danger.

Stop the cycle. Teenage children of alcoholics are
at higher risk of becoming alcoholics themselves. Scientists think this
is because of genetics and the environment that kids grow up in. For
example, people might learn to drink as a way to avoid fear, boredom,
anxiety, sadness, or other unpleasant feelings. Understanding that there
could be a problem and finding adults and peers to help you can be the
most important thing you do to reduce the risk of problem drinking.

Alcoholism is a disease. You can show your love and support, but you
won't be able to stop someone from drinking. Talking about the problem,
finding support, and choosing healthy ways to cope are choices you can
make to feel more in control of the situation. Above all, don't give up!

Reviewed by: Michelle J. New, PhD
Date reviewed: February 2010