How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem?



How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem?
Steve's mind wanders as he does his homework. "I'm never going to do
well on this history test," he thinks. "My dad's right, I'm just like
him — I'll never amount to much." Distracted, he looks down and thinks
how skinny his legs are. "Ugh," he says to himself. "I bet the football
coach won't even let me try out when he sees what a wimp I am."

Julio is studying for the same history test as Steve, and he's also
not too fond of the subject. But that's where the similarity ends. Julio
has a completely different outlook. He's more likely to think, "OK,
history again, what a pain. Thank goodness I'm acing the subject I
really love — math." And when Julio thinks about the way he looks, it's
also a lot more positive. Although he is shorter and skinnier than
Steve, Julio is less likely to blame or criticize his body and more
likely to think, "I may be skinny, but I can really run. I'd be a good
addition to the football team."

Self-Esteem Defined



We all have a mental picture of who we are, how we look, what we're
good at, and what our weaknesses might be. We develop this picture over
time, starting when we're very young kids. The term self-image
is used to refer to a person's mental picture of himself or herself. A
lot of our self-image is based on interactions we have with other people
and our life experiences. This mental picture (our self-image)
contributes to our self-esteem.

Self-esteem is all about how much we feel valued, loved, accepted,
and thought well of by others — and how much we value, love, and accept
ourselves. People with healthy self-esteem are able to feel good about
themselves, appreciate their own worth, and take pride in their
abilities, skills, and accomplishments. People with low self-esteem may
feel as if no one will like them or accept them or that they can't do
well in anything.

We all experience problems with self-esteem at certain times in our
lives — especially during our teens when we're figuring out who we are
and where we fit in the world. The good news is that, because everyone's
self-image changes over time, self-esteem is not fixed for life. So if
you feel that your self-esteem isn't all it could be, you can improve
it.Self-Esteem Problems



Before a person can overcome self-esteem problems and build healthy
self-esteem, it helps to know what might cause those problems in the
first place. Two things in particular — how others see or treat us and
how we see ourselves — can have a big impact on our self-esteem.

Parents, teachers, and other authority figures influence the ideas we
develop about ourselves — particularly when we are little kids. If
parents spend more time criticizing than praising a child, it can be
harder for a kid to develop good self-esteem. Because teens are still
forming their own values and beliefs, it's easy to build self-image
around what a parent, coach, or other person says.

Obviously, self-esteem can be damaged when someone whose acceptance
is important (like a parent or teacher) constantly puts you down. But
criticism doesn't have to come from other people. Like Steve in the
story above, some teens also have an "inner critic," a voice inside that
seems to find fault with everything they do. And, like Steve, people
sometimes unintentionally model their inner voice after a critical
parent or someone else whose opinion is important to them.

Over time, listening to a negative inner voice can harm a person's
self-esteem just as much as if the criticism were coming from another
person. Some people get so used to their inner critic being there that
they don't even notice when they're putting themselves down.



Unrealistic expectations can also affect a person's self-esteem.
People have an image of who they want to be (or who they think they
should be). Everyone's image of the ideal person is different. For
example, some people admire athletic skills and others admire academic
abilities. People who see themselves as having the qualities they admire
— such as the ability to make friends easily — usually have high
self-esteem.

People who don't see themselves as having the qualities they admire
may develop low self-esteem. Unfortunately, people who have low
self-esteem often do have the qualities they admire. They just can't see that they do because their self-image is trained that way.Why Is Self-Esteem Important?



How we feel about ourselves can influence how we live our lives.
People who feel that they are likable and lovable (in other words people
with good self-esteem) have better relationships. They're more likely
to ask for help and support from friends and family when they need it.
People who believe they can accomplish goals and solve problems are more
likely to do well in school. Having good self-esteem allows you to
accept yourself and live life to the fullest.



Steps to Improving Self-Esteem



If you want to improve your self-esteem, here are some steps to start empowering yourself:

• Try to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself.
  If you're used to focusing on your shortcomings, start thinking about
  positive aspects of yourself that outweigh them. When you catch yourself
  being too critical, counter it by saying something positive about
  yourself. Each day, write down three things about yourself that make you
  happy.
  
• Aim for accomplishments rather than perfection.
  Some people become paralyzed by perfection. Instead of holding yourself
  back with thoughts like, "I won't audition for the play until I lose 10
  pounds," think about what you're good at and what you enjoy, and go for
  it.
  
• View mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept
  that you will make mistakes because everyone does. Mistakes are part of
  learning. Remind yourself that a person's talents are constantly
  developing, and everyone excels at different things — it's what makes
  people interesting.
  
• Try new things. Experiment with different
  activities that will help you get in touch with your talents. Then take
  pride in new skills you develop.
  
• Recognize what you can change and what you can't.
  If you realize that you're unhappy with something about yourself that
  you can change, then start today. If it's something you can't change
  (like your height), then start to work toward loving yourself the way
  you are.
  
• Set goals. Think about what you'd like to
  accomplish, then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and
  keep track of your progress.
  
• Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don't be afraid to voice them.
  
• Make a contribution. Tutor a classmate who's having
  trouble, help clean up your neighborhood, participate in a walkathon
  for a good cause, or volunteer your time in some other way. Feeling like
  you're making a difference and that your help is valued can do wonders
  to improve self-esteem.
  
• Exercise! You'll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier.
  
• Have fun. Ever found yourself thinking stuff like
  "I'd have more friends if I were thinner"? Enjoy spending time with the
  people you care about and doing the things you love. Relax and have a
  good time — and avoid putting your life on hold.
  

It's never too late to build healthy, positive self-esteem. In some
cases where the emotional hurt is deep or long lasting, it can take the
help of a mental health professional, like a counselor or therapist.
These experts can act as a guide, helping people learn to love
themselves and realize what's unique and special about them.

Self-esteem plays a role in almost everything you do. People with
high self-esteem do better in school and find it easier to make friends.
They tend to have better relationships with peers and adults, feel
happier, find it easier to deal with mistakes, disappointments, and
failures, and are more likely to stick with something until they
succeed. It takes some work to develop good self-esteem, but once you do
it's a skill you'll have for life.